yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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