His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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