dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
