All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
