OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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