So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
