hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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