We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
