Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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