don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
