I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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