why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
