It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize