been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
