i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
