He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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