Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
