coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
