dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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