I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize