New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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