He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
