I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
