I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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