I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize