OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
