I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
