he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
