Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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