I want to walk on stilts...naked
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
