Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
