I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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