i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My vagina just clenched in fear
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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