ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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