david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
