I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
