I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
