Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
