ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
