He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
