cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
