Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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