you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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