I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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