Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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