I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize