season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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