You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
