How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
