spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
