Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
