He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
