I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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