I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize