haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
