forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize