I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
