I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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