I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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