but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
