I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
