i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
