no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
