I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
