I didn't shave. On purpose
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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