I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
