If that was your dad, he is hot
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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