I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
