Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize