I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
