And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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