I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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