Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
