I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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