woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
