I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
