you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
