Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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