dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
