Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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