do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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