If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm really busy with my period
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