You made me cry and you don't even care
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FUCK WHALES
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
