Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
is it fun? or sober?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
