Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
