Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
