Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
