There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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