That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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