And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
