this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
