Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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