I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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