Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
