What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
