Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
