Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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