let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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