she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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