is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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