woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
