apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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